dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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