Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
