Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
