my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
