Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
