im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
