the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
