She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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