we have officially lost it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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