I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
