i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
