You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize