Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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