So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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