Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
