like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
