I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
