My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
