Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
