I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
