dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
