dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
