The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
