maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
