Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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