I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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