I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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