You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize