Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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