my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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