Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
