mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
