I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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