What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
