I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
