Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
