its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
