At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
