This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
