Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
