I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
