Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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