How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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