hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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