This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
