Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
