: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
