i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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