the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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