All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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