i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
