Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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