I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
