Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
