his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
