I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
