what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
