He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
