3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
