I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
