Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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