hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
