I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
