I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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