how can u be prego again
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
