dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
