____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
