Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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