textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
