OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
