she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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