You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
