I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
