I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this is an emotional support booty call
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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