Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
