At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
