God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
