she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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