I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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