did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
