Where did you get a picture of my penis
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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