So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
