I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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